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Twitter Witty----4
Fatwa on Crackers, Cracked
If you do well in
any exam, it is fashionable these days to say "you have cracked the exam."
And we have millions of exam-crackers these days. It reminds us of another kind,
the fire-crackers. But recently these have been declared by a Fatwa to be un-Islamic,
both its manufacturing and marketing.
The leading
Islamic seminary, Darul Uloom Deoband, it may seem, has cracked an examination
of fireworks. Somebody involved in manufacturing of crackers had asked the
seminary to examine the cracker-business. It is common knowledge that lots of
Muslim population is presently engaged in the crackers business. You can sight
the major wholesale shops of crackers on Mohammad Ali Road in Mumbai. This address
is proof enough, that it is an Islamic business. So, for the seminary to
declare a Fatwa against it, is no less than cracking an exam.
In fact, Deoband
need not have done the hair-splitting of Sharia Law and should have declared
cracker business un-Islamic simply by the official meaning of Islam, which is
peace. Then how can the crackers, which by their bangs, pierce this peace can
be declared peaceful ?
One might
be tempted to compare the cracker business on its principal quality, i.e., making
loud noise. If it is considered un-Islamic just because it makes a pretentious
loud noise, then that criterion has lots of other contestants , like , say the
daily "ajhaans" or the prayers over the loudest loud speakers and the
irritable "taashaa" leading in most of the Muslim processions. Both
should have been held to be un-Islamic, just by the dint of its decibels. No
other religion gets this concession to be heard by the followers over the loud
speakers and at all the wee hours of the days and nights. But that still stays
as Islamic.
The
criterion that Deoband used in deciding whether the cracker business is Islamic
or not is "the wasteful use of money". This seems to be the right
noise to make. Just look at the prices of fire crackers these days and whether wasteful
or not, these are easily to be conceded as extremely costly by any standards. Thousand
fire-crackers woven in a garland and fondly called as "Hazaar ki lad",
may make a noise on a calm Diwali morning, say, of 100 decibels. And if it
costs Rs.1000, then it turns out to be Rs.10 per decibel. Compare this with the
real fire-work of say Bomb-blast. It may cost some Rs. 1 lakh and would achieve
a level of 120 decibels. This comes to Rs. 833 per decibel and would definitely
be declared as un-Islamic by its sheer cost and effect.
If you
organise a meeting of say 500 people and if it costs Rs. 25,000 including the
hall and chairs rentals and the loud speakers and if we calculate its cost per decibel
,( police standard for any public meeting is not more than 80 decibels) , the
calculator will give us a figure of Rs. 312.5 per decibel, which is still
costlier than the "hazaar ki lad". It will, no doubt, be declared un-Islamic
as it is "a wasteful use of money". So, beware all those planning to
hold a meeting either in favor or against this Fatwa, it will be an un-Islamic
act, by Deoband standards !
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