Obsession of the written word !

       

 The defense minister Mr. A.K.Antony, like all common public is having a deep obsession with the written word. As per his report in Rajya Sabha, the Army Chief had not given the complaint in writing then, nor has he given it now. Still the Minister has now ordered CBI enquiry and CBI is scheduled to take a written statement from the Army Chief and the same will be considered as the written complaint in this case.

       There is a great disbelief in the common public that all important contracts and documents in the life of people, has to be in the written word. But it is not so. The greatest contract in any man’s life is “Marriage”, and remember how it is done ? You just have to say “I do” and you have committed yourself to the biggest commitment of your life. And may be you suffer the consequences of the same, later !

       The Biggest money transactions in money market are done verbally. The greatest auctions of arts, antiques or ( as recommended by our CAGs ) of 2-G or 3-G or coal blocks are all done verbally. Like, …the auctioneer shouts… “ 2 million one time, 2 million 2 times and 2 million 3 times…and now it is sold to….for…”

       When you are travelling in the most costly transport, say, a jumbo jet, the pilot’s decisions are all verbal and not written. It is another matter that all these are recorded by the black box for posterity. But decisions are all oral and not written.

       All the languages of the world strive, develop, expand or die away, all because of the situation of spoken word. If lot of people speak it, it thrives, lest it dies a quiet death. Even if heaps of written words exist in any language, but if there are no people to speak it, then it has to be declared as the dead language. Our Sanskrit has suffered the same destiny.

       Even legally there are many judgments which are delivered orally. As for resignations, they say legally even a verbal resignation is valid. With these standards, the defense minister holding his hand on the forehead, after the Army Chief, told him about the bribe offer of 14 crores, should be legitimately considered as his resignation. And we should relieve him forthwith !

-----------------------------------------

The Bell call’s—Answer !

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone and the first call he made was to his Assistant, Mr.Watson . That call was like this: “Mr.Watson, I want you to come here !”

There is no mention of how Mr.Watson answered that call but we can re-create the answer now as:

Watson-1 : “Show me your location on the GPS and I will come soon !”

Watson-2: “I am almost there and right now I am parking the car. See you soon !”

Watson-3: “I am stuck in Traffic Jam ! Can we meet tomorrow instead ?”

Watson-4: “Mr.Graham Bell, your girlfriend had called to remind you that you are running 2 hours late for the dinner date tonight !”

Watson-5: “Incoming call is not free for me, so if you are paying for this call, I will answer soon !”

-----------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twitter-witty----5
Rahul , in a tearing hurry !
    It is not that Rahul, is in a tremendous hurry to finish the UP elections and occupy the Prime Ministership. He is addressing at least 10/15 meetings in this election campaign. This Wind-Wheel tour is definitely showing his hurry. But do you know, why is he in such a tearing hurry ?
    His mom, Sonia Gandhi, at last has taken her parent's job seriously and has short-listed six bio-datas from the "Shaadi.com " and has sent that short list to him through special commandoes. After the election is over, Rahul is to proceed abroad with this short-list and.....then we will know who is our next Mrs.Prime Minister ! The same short-list was in his hands and he was going over the same while thinking about the speech to be delivered. And suddenly, in a hurry Rahul tore that list !
    Now, he is searching a Cyber Cafe to log in on Shaadi.com and search the girls' email, names etc of the girls who were on that short-list. This is the time for good people to come to help the prince....for that short-list !

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twitter Witty----4

Fatwa on Crackers, Cracked

            If you do well in any exam, it is fashionable these days to say "you have cracked the exam." And we have millions of exam-crackers these days. It reminds us of another kind, the fire-crackers. But recently these have been declared by a Fatwa to be un-Islamic, both its manufacturing and marketing.

            The leading Islamic seminary, Darul Uloom Deoband, it may seem, has cracked an examination of fireworks. Somebody involved in manufacturing of crackers had asked the seminary to examine the cracker-business. It is common knowledge that lots of Muslim population is presently engaged in the crackers business. You can sight the major wholesale shops of crackers on Mohammad Ali Road in Mumbai. This address is proof enough, that it is an Islamic business. So, for the seminary to declare a Fatwa against it, is no less than cracking an exam.

            In fact, Deoband need not have done the hair-splitting of Sharia Law and should have declared cracker business un-Islamic simply by the official meaning of Islam, which is peace. Then how can the crackers, which by their bangs, pierce this peace can be declared peaceful ?

            One might be tempted to compare the cracker business on its principal quality, i.e., making loud noise. If it is considered un-Islamic just because it makes a pretentious loud noise, then that criterion has lots of other contestants , like , say the daily "ajhaans" or the prayers over the loudest loud speakers and the irritable "taashaa" leading in most of the Muslim processions. Both should have been held to be un-Islamic, just by the dint of its decibels. No other religion gets this concession to be heard by the followers over the loud speakers and at all the wee hours of the days and nights. But that still stays as Islamic.

            The criterion that Deoband used in deciding whether the cracker business is Islamic or not is "the wasteful use of money". This seems to be the right noise to make. Just look at the prices of fire crackers these days and whether wasteful or not, these are easily to be conceded as extremely costly by any standards. Thousand fire-crackers woven in a garland and fondly called as "Hazaar ki lad", may make a noise on a calm Diwali morning, say, of 100 decibels. And if it costs Rs.1000, then it turns out to be Rs.10 per decibel. Compare this with the real fire-work of say Bomb-blast. It may cost some Rs. 1 lakh and would achieve a level of 120 decibels. This comes to Rs. 833 per decibel and would definitely be declared as un-Islamic by its sheer cost and effect.

            If you organise a meeting of say 500 people and if it costs Rs. 25,000 including the hall and chairs rentals and the loud speakers and if we calculate its cost per decibel ,( police standard for any public meeting is not more than 80 decibels) , the calculator will give us a figure of Rs. 312.5 per decibel, which is still costlier than the "hazaar ki lad". It will, no doubt, be declared un-Islamic as it is "a wasteful use of money". So, beware all those planning to hold a meeting either in favor or against this Fatwa, it will be an un-Islamic act, by Deoband standards !

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Twitter Witty----3

The Real Jan-Lokpal
Despite Lokpal Bill being scuttled, here is an opportunity for Anna Team to demonstrate the Real Jan-lokpal.
As per proposals of Jan lokpal ask the selection commiittee to be formed outside the parliament and may be without any Govt standing.
Ask people to apply for Jan lokpal panel.
Select a panel of Jan Lokpal
Give them the first complaint of Lokpal bIll being scuttled in parliament and investigate the possible corruption extents of Lalu Prasad; Hamid Ansari; Rajniti Prasad; Narayanswamy; Pawan Bansal; Arun Jaitley; Mulayam Singh; etc.
Declare the findings in 2 week's time and publish the same on the website.
This should serve to show the effectiveness of Jan Lokpal to the public at large

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------
Twitter Witty -----2

C-Bull k Google

The only Minister found capable of writting poetry on SMS was Kab-ill C-Bull. So, madam made him Minister of Communications and Information Technology. He also held the two ministries Ministry of Science and Technology and Ministry of Earth Sciences in the First Manmohan Singh Cabinet. He is also the Minister of Human Resources and Development in the current cabinet.
After his wonderfull defense of No loss in Spectrum , madam deputed him to Harvard to get D.Lit.
So, for few days he was quietly studying for his D.Lit.
Now that Kab-ill C-Bull has got his D.Lit., he is back in the service of the madam with full vigour.
And he is now asking Facebook, Google, and the like to Delete, Delete, and Delete......after all he is D.Lit himself !


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa ?"
Sonia would have said, "Ek hee ko maaraa ? Sabko nahee ?"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa? "
Manmohan would have said, "Ek tu hee saacha ! Bachaa ! Aisee Shaktee mujhe dey !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Rahul would have said, "Why aam aadmi should slap ? Why not parliamentarians ?"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Abhishek Manu Singhvi said,"Why Aam aadmi? Why not Standing Committee do the slapping ? "

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Lal Krishna Advani would say, "Yah annyay hai, why not slap opposition leaders?"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Sushma Swaraj would say,"Unko hee maaraa? Hamein kyon nahee?"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Then his wax-statue started melting. But Pawar-Statue was made of leather. The slap just dusted it !

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
As a revenge, Pawar vowed to have ten more Lavasaas !

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
What he meant was "Sow maarke eK hee ginane ka !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Sonia said, in Italian, "only uno ?"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Jan Lok Pal said, "Ab, Sab ko, ek hee maaro !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Pranab Mukherjee said, "This is a slap in the face of economy & growth !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
P.C.Chidambaram said,"In the beginning it is only one slap, but with coordination between all agencies it will turn out to be thousand slaps !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Kapit Sibal said, "There is absolutely no loss to the exchequer, don't go by CAG"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Digwijay Singh said,"It would have been right if Haroon Ali would have hit the thappad instead of Harvindersingh !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Mayawati said, "This is a congress conspiracy to alienate Sikh voters in UP, next time I will split UP into one more state for Sikhs of UP."

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Narendra Mody said, "We invite NCP to Gujarat, then such encounters would be deemed false and Pawar need not feel pain."

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Nitish Kumar said,"Beware of No: Ek in Bihar. For here they can't count. They might slap hundreds and count as Eka hee !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Lalu Prasad said, "Pawar Saab is now my friend. Mera tha Chara-Ghotala, Pawar Saab ka ab Chata-Ghotala"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Sitaram Yechury said, "This slap reminds me of our slapping No-confidence at Nuclear Bill. "

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Aruna Roy said,"Now we are having real democracy. Slap by Sardarjee, Slap for Sardarjee, & Slap of Sardarjee !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Pawar's Doctor said ( after examining ) "don't worry. In fact it has set right the left cheek. For the next slap, keep your right cheek forward "

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Salmaan Khurshid, the law minister said, "Law will take its own course, I mean, Shariat Law !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
A.K.Antony, the defense minister said,"there can be no defense of the slap. I will soon buy anti-Slap warheads soon !"

Anna said, "Ek hee maaraa?"
Kalmadi and Raja said, " Tihar ke hisaab se ye phir bhee cum hai !"